more questions than answers

do the numbers of people trapped in tragedies determine how we react?

are the babies killed by abortion in America more important than the people starving in Darfur just because there are more of them? how can we say to a refugee camp in Sudan/Uganda or anywhere else for that matter that we don't have the time to think/pray/advocate/etc for them because more people are dying in our own country? i don't think, when it comes to human crises, that it is right to set priorities because we aren't talking about which job needs done first, we aren't talking about which speck/plank to take out of our eyes first, we are talking about which lives to save first. then they say, "there is nothing we can do about Darfur or any other tragedy in a foreign country"--you'd be surprised, oh so surprised what Americans are motivated to do when their economic interests are in danger. As Lieutenant General Romeo Dallaire recorded in his book Shake Hands With The Devil:

Engraved still in my brain is the judgment of a small group of bureaucrats who came to "assess" the situation in the first weeks of the genocide (Rwanda): "We will recommend to our government not to intervene as the risks are high and all that is here are humans".

Had the worry been oil....

no, I'm convinced that a nation that said "never again" to Hitler, Pol Pot, and several others could do something to help.

does this mean that i think everyone should ignore abortion and consider it not a problem...not in your life. like i said before, injustices involving loss of life are equally important.

but how can we take Sudan's president to the International Criminal Court if we legalize abortion which kills innocent unborn babies? is this not hypocrisy? if it is, is it right to turn one's back upon starving people so that we can refrain from hypocrisy? Again, these are lives we are talking about, not petty sins.

"if i could, yes i would"

that's what i call history. no, not too terribly old, but its a song that i really like that was written/performed before i was born (and when The Edge didn't always have a hat on).

this list of funny song names makes me laugh (courtesy of thefreechristianmusicblog.com)

Relient K – “Crayons Can Melt On Us For All I Care”

Five Iron Frenzy – “At Least I’m Not Like All Those Other Old Guys”

The Devil Wears Prada – “Reptar, King of the Ozone”

Daniel Amos / The Swirling Eddies – “Donna Nietche And Her Super Race Of Kick-Boxing Uber Parrots”

Daniel Amos / The Swirling Eddies – “Arthur Fhardy’s Yodeling Party”

Five Iron Frenzy – “The Phantom Mullet”

Search the City – “In This Scene You’re Just An Extra”

Showbread – “I Had Music In My Heart, But Now My My Heart Is Broken”

House Of Heroes – “You Are the Judas of The Cheerleading Squad”

Relient K – “Chap Stick, Chapped Lips, And Things Like Chemistry”

Underoath – “I Have Ten Friends and A Crowbar that Say You Ain’t Gonna Do, Jack”

MYCHILDREN MYBRIDE – “A Bayonet Doesn’t Make You A Hero”

Blue Cadet and the Brave December – “Brass Knuckles Won’t Do You Any Good In Soul To Soul Combat”

The Devil Wears Prada – “Hey John, What’s Your Name Again”

Send Out Scuds – “This is So Cliche That it Will Rot Your Teeth”

Showbread – “Oh! Emetophobia”

Underoath – “It’s Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door”

The Almost – “They Say You Can Never Write I Told You So In A Song But Here I Go DEMO”

Falling Up – “The Dark Side of Indoor Track Meets”

Project 86 – “The Forces of Radio Have Dropped A Viper In The Rhythm Section”

Emery – “You Think You’re Nickel Slick (But I Got Your Penny Change)”

Rich Mullins – “Alrightokuhhuhamen”

MxPx – “Another Song About T.V.”

Five Iron Frenzy – “Wizard Needs Food, Badly”

David Crowder*Band – “O God Where Are You Now (In Pickerel Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinaw?)”

Anberlin – “A Heavy Hearted Work of Staggering Genius”

Sullivan – “Under the Watchful Eyes Of T.J. Eckleburg”

Anberlin – “There Is No Mathematics to Love and Loss”

Showbread – “A Llama Eats a Giraffe (And Vice Versa)

Nodes of Ranvier – “Nagheenanajar”

Maylene And The Sons of Disaster – “Bang! The Witch Is Dead”

Norma Jean – “I Used To Hate Cell Phones, Now I Hate Car Accidents”

Demon Hunter – “Our Faces Fall Apart”

Daniel Amos / The Swirling Eddies – “(Near Sighted Girl With Approaching) Tidal Wave”

Daniel Amos / The Swirling Eddies – “(It’s The Eighties So Where’s Our) Rocket Pack”

DC Talk – “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”

Gwen Stacy – “What Will Happen If I Hit Enter?”

The Chariot – “If Wishes Were Horses, More Beggars Would Ride Them”

The Devil Wears Prada – “Swords, Dragons, and Diet Coke”

The Devil Wears Prada – “This Song Is Called”

The Chariot -
1. Back To Back
2. They Faced Each Other
3. They Drew Their Swords
4. And Shot Each Other
5. The Deaf Policemen
6. Heard This Noise
7. Then Came To Kill
8. The Two Dead Boys
9. Forgive Me Nashville
10. The Trumpet

The Chariot – “Someday In The Event That Mankind Figures Out What It Is That This World Revolves Around, Thousands Of People Will Be Shocked And Perplexed To Find Out That It Was Not Them. Sometimes This Includes Me.”

Gwen Stacy – “Hey God, This Song’s For You. I Hope You Like It.”

life is a day that will soon be gone

no lie.

i'm sitting here, been on the compy for a long time--talking to ppl, watching vids, writing blogs, etc and it seems like a waste. everyday, get up, live, got to bed, wake up and do it all over. monotonous. and there is so much to be done and so little motivation...and yet i feel so sluggish and wasted. i look up to ppl who have self-motivation, the ones like William Proxmire, Joseph Lemkin, and all the rest that have no names in history books.

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
-"One" by U2

what does it take to get motivation, purpose, and will? prayer? discipline? or is it another hopeless cause...better to take reality than speculate about the future's difficulties.

live well my friends. at least live better than i do.

joking society

The Western society has built their culture on entertainment; people are expected to be humorous to the degree that some feel out of place if they don’t meet the level of “funniness” that it takes to be a cool person; funny has became equal to cool. To for sure that one is “funny” one resorts to a large variety of jokes about whatever is frequently on many peoples’ minds. For example, a lot of conservative Christians dislike President Obama, so they make “jokes” about him and sing the Obama Llama song in a high pitched sing-song voice (I realize they aren’t the only ones). Also many other people/groups bear the brunt of a hundreds of jokes that range from mild to extreme crudeness, insensitivity, and disrespect. Many a person who already feels left out of the popular group has the pleasure of over hearing an abundance of “emo” jokes about how cutters are “insane” and many things that are unnecessary to repeat. People, of course, never realize that the “jokes” they think are “funny” can often times hurt others—to the extent that a person who deals with problems like self injury (S.I.) might in fact injure themselves solely because of the hopelessness they feel because they know that they are the brunt of said “jokes”. Other bystanders may not actually make those “cutter jokes” but may have the reasoning that S.I. is extremely unreasonable and dangerous and assume that the people who deal with S.I. must know this and that the fact that it is dangerous and that it “hurts” should be enough knowledge for them to refrain in self-inducing wounds. Such reasoning is somewhat naïve; from what I have gathered from people who deal with S.I. and personal experience, I have come to the conclusion that yes, S.I. is a choice—almost everything is a choice—but it’s also a way of feeling alive. One would most likely exhibit a large amount of doubt in this conclusion but I don’t think it should be so farfetched to imagine. S.I. is a way of breaking through the numbness. Alienation and lack of popularity (whether or actual or perceived) breeds self-insecurity then results in mental and social wounds which over time, regret, and bitterness create an intense numbness. With numbness comes the overwhelming feeling that one is truly not alive—here they I believe they are right—and then the need to become alive arrives. Inflicting wounds on oneself is an option that seems illogical and not something to voluntary choose to anyone who has never been in the numb position. To those who are numb, I feel I can safely say they feel the need to induce something on themselves so they can prove to themselves that they are still capable of feeling some sort of pain or emotion, thus S.I, which often becomes a source of comfort. There is also the possibility that the hope of someone finding out by noticing the red lines will motivate a conversation of healing and counseling to come (reminding me of a girl who purposely broke her nail in the middle of class and proceeded to draw blood on her arm with the hope that the classmate sitting next to her would notice—no one in the entire class did anything if they even noticed). Once S.I. is practiced the feeling of being “alone” accelerates even more and the people involved in both S.I. or just merely depression are fully aware that to vocalize their insecurities and fears will/could bring out the before mentioned “emo/cutter jokes”. This assumption of ridicule hinders their potential recovery because no person they will keep all their problems to themselves because they don’t think anyone will listen. One should be aware that it is very easy to create and then believe this dangerous illusion that no one will/does care. Once the illusion is formed they can then believe that their actions only affect them because they are “completely alone” and that if they should choose to commit suicide they will be relieved of their pain and that is what matters. It is essential to note that the people who deal with S.I. do not necessarily have the desire to commit suicide—the misunderstanding that those who cut their arms are trying to commit suicide is hard to correct (when one cuts the main artery on the wrist it would be a suicide attempt but not just cutting the underside of the arm with a razor blade/other sharp object). Continual depression and S.I. leads to a larger sense of hopelessness which could easily result with the person involved, whether they have help or not, being so imbedded in this thought pattern that they refuse to take ant rescue line that might ever be offered. They may refuse it for the sub conscience desire to get the attention of the people trying to help them who are failing because the one needing rescued is unwilling—I myself am familiar with this position—there is ironic comfort and a great satisfaction in being “the patron saint of lost causes”. Even If the people who deal with S.I./depression should somehow get out of the cycle and “straighten out their lives” they still are easily succumb able to the cycle, so much so that sometimes all it takes is an image of a razor-induced wound to get them going—somewhat comparable to someone with a nicotine addiction, the sight of the cigarette is all it takes to light the desire.
The need to be thought as “funny” by one’s peers seem to push people to introduce as many of these popular opinions expressed in jokes or witty phrases in as many conversations as possible—whether in a group of friends or virtual strangers. People who deal with S.I. have a tendency to blend into the walls very easily and no, “emo people” are not necessarily the ones who wear lots of black and never smile—there have been many cases of people with S.I. who were the sweetest people in the group. As one who somewhat constantly battles depression and an occasional desire for S.I., please think about the jokes/comments you make before they come out of your mouth.


^ courtesy of TWLOHA's blog

Call+Response

anyone want to see that movie (Call+Response)? I'm thinking about finding a way to a screening around here...if so, any ideas?