i think its undeniable around the world that music is an incredible force. every country and culture produces their own versions of life in music. by listening to music i think people can experience the unspoken emotions of other people and oftentimes we can identify with those emotions--even if we never thought we had them. i know for myself that there are a lot of songs that i consider to be the sorta soundtracks of my life. the following videos are a sample of sorts of the tunes that have really felt like they're exhibiting my life in one way or another.
"Meet Me On the Equinox" ~ Death Cab For Cutie
you can ridicule me because this song is on the New Moon soundtrack, it doesn't matter that much to me--the song is still freaking incredible! this song has really been close in the last month or so because of the line "everything, everything ends". its an acknowledgment that even though things now are wonderful (or perhaps terrible) everything ends. every good friendship and relationship will someday end. life as we know it will eventually end. it's a sober realization, but i think it helps one to enjoy, focus, and get the most out of now, knowing that there is an end.
"Love the Way You Lie" ~ Eminem (ft. Rihanna) [note: if you have an issue with hearing the "f" word consider yourself warned]
this song makes me think about how i am and what i don't want in my life or in a relationship (not to mention its stinking catchy). i find it so easy to lie to myself, ignore the blaring problems, and barge into situations telling myself that everything will be alright and that i can avoid getting hurt. sure, love and even attraction is powerful; but so is dishonesty, mistrust, and hatred. essentially, this song is a strong reminder of what to prevent in one's life.
"Down" ~ Anberlin
it's a song for when i feel like i have nothing left, no energy left to move in any direction but down. just a simple plea for someone to prevent all sorts of last acts of desperation (with some killer vocal harmonies).
"Half Light II (No Celebration)" ~ Arcade Fire
there are so many good lines in this song such as "wanna wash away my sins/in the presence of my friends" and "some people say/they've already lost/but they're afraid to pay the cost/for what we've lost" to name just two. lately, i've been thinking a lot about my hometown, my childhood, and the current state of my world. this song expresses a lot of sentiments that make me look back in a melancholic way...but at the same time to keep pressing forward to the future--hopefully not becoming a robot in the process. to me, its a song about grief but at the same time a song about a wisp of hope "someday we'll see this long gone"--ending with what sounds like a fading march into heaven. [note: there are SO many good Arcade Fire songs that i could go on an on about but i won't bore you. if you happen to be interested check out: "Empty Room", "Sprawl II", "City With No Children", "We Used to Wait" and "Ready to Start"]
"Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?" ~ Moby
easily one of the most touching songs in my opinion. its the blues asking two simple intertwined questions "why does my heart feel so bad/why does my soul feel so bad?"--and that's basically the whole song. while so simple, it is so powerful. its the simple question that i keep asking on those days when i hurt for no conscious reason.
"Zooropa" ~ U2
any song that opens with "what do you want?" gets my attention. this song is an expression of what it feels like to be swirling around, not knowing up from down, confusion, overwhelming circumstances with so many complex and yet simple questions--very close to how my life has been recently. one question that always catches me is "i've been hiding/what have i been hiding from?" as someone who has frequently fights crippling fear this question digs every time--what exactly am i hiding from? the ending is glorious with the comforting suggestion "don't worry baby, it's gonna be alright/uncertainty could be a guiding light" and then later "take your head out of the mud baby".
so yeah.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
spiral
the world feels like its in a spiral. entropy is the force that's sucking us all down some sort of massive black hole.
people tell me that, i being in college, will have the time of my life--a time of almost endless opportunities. this is all true to some extent, but it makes me feel old. i go to class, and the more our terrible economy is dissected, the more i hear of the quality of life, and the more philosophy i read the more i can feel the end of my life coming. the world is so incredibly depressing. it's hard to get out of bed knowing that an endless number of people are dying terrible deaths every time i breathe.
sounds rather morbid eh?
at 18, one would think i have the world ahead and yet i feel like i'm running out of time to live. i feel like i've been saying goodbye to way too many people i love.
lately, this feeling of an impending end has been motivating me to get out and do some things i've never done before. yeah, i have a bucket list--its getting rather long in fact.
i just hate the idea of working to get the bachelor's (maybe master's) degree out of the way and then settling down with a full time job until whatever next happens. i want to be a nomad/hippie first...want to see the world before i get too tied up with being an adult. honestly, i don't know if i ever want to get tied down to particular place. i want to get some piercings, maybe even get a tattoo with a priceless meaning. i want to paint a enormous amount of masterpieces...especially a mural. i'm ok with people thinking i've gone off the deep end--it doesn't matter anymore what they think.
in a lot of ways i feel like i'm walking away from fear.
the road ahead is super unclear...and it yeah it makes me worry sometimes but at the same time i've realized how much it sucks when i'm not brave enough to try something just because i've never done it before.
and for those who might wonder, i haven't kicked God out the back window. not to say our relationship is by any means ideal. my beliefs have gotten torn out and revamped a lot. faith is an endless struggle. hope is...something i need but at the same time something i have a hard time believing in. i still have a hard time going to church. regardless of all that, i keep coming back to Jesus--the idea of someone perfect dying for this stupid world. i keep coming back to the idea that the poor are important and whats first is actually last and whats last is actually first. redemption. forgiveness. immortality. its at least a way to cope with all the injustice and calamity out there. maybe i've just constructed a massive web of theodicy, but i like to think its better than being cynical and thinking i'm brave by facing an empty hole alone and depressed.
people tell me that, i being in college, will have the time of my life--a time of almost endless opportunities. this is all true to some extent, but it makes me feel old. i go to class, and the more our terrible economy is dissected, the more i hear of the quality of life, and the more philosophy i read the more i can feel the end of my life coming. the world is so incredibly depressing. it's hard to get out of bed knowing that an endless number of people are dying terrible deaths every time i breathe.
sounds rather morbid eh?
at 18, one would think i have the world ahead and yet i feel like i'm running out of time to live. i feel like i've been saying goodbye to way too many people i love.
lately, this feeling of an impending end has been motivating me to get out and do some things i've never done before. yeah, i have a bucket list--its getting rather long in fact.
i just hate the idea of working to get the bachelor's (maybe master's) degree out of the way and then settling down with a full time job until whatever next happens. i want to be a nomad/hippie first...want to see the world before i get too tied up with being an adult. honestly, i don't know if i ever want to get tied down to particular place. i want to get some piercings, maybe even get a tattoo with a priceless meaning. i want to paint a enormous amount of masterpieces...especially a mural. i'm ok with people thinking i've gone off the deep end--it doesn't matter anymore what they think.
in a lot of ways i feel like i'm walking away from fear.
the road ahead is super unclear...and it yeah it makes me worry sometimes but at the same time i've realized how much it sucks when i'm not brave enough to try something just because i've never done it before.
and for those who might wonder, i haven't kicked God out the back window. not to say our relationship is by any means ideal. my beliefs have gotten torn out and revamped a lot. faith is an endless struggle. hope is...something i need but at the same time something i have a hard time believing in. i still have a hard time going to church. regardless of all that, i keep coming back to Jesus--the idea of someone perfect dying for this stupid world. i keep coming back to the idea that the poor are important and whats first is actually last and whats last is actually first. redemption. forgiveness. immortality. its at least a way to cope with all the injustice and calamity out there. maybe i've just constructed a massive web of theodicy, but i like to think its better than being cynical and thinking i'm brave by facing an empty hole alone and depressed.
Monday, October 4, 2010
life in the city
so. i live in Seattle now...and its amazing. why?
1) having access to a car isn't necessary
2) there is a lot to do (concerts, etc)
3) there are a lot of people to meet
4) there are a lot of places to shop (heh heh)
as for being in college, meh...nothing too new except the surroundings and size of classes. the reading load appears to be a lot heavier here than it was at the community college i went to last year...which isn't that nice in my opinion.
dorm life. well...it doesn't feel like home even though i find myself calling my room that because it's where all my stuff is. overall, its definitely a lot better than what i expected.
so yep.
1) having access to a car isn't necessary
2) there is a lot to do (concerts, etc)
3) there are a lot of people to meet
4) there are a lot of places to shop (heh heh)
as for being in college, meh...nothing too new except the surroundings and size of classes. the reading load appears to be a lot heavier here than it was at the community college i went to last year...which isn't that nice in my opinion.
dorm life. well...it doesn't feel like home even though i find myself calling my room that because it's where all my stuff is. overall, its definitely a lot better than what i expected.
so yep.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
new albums
in the last two months, two albums that i have anticipated were released. #1 being Arcade Fire's The Suburbs, and #2 being Anberlin's Dark is the Way, Light is a Place. i confess to having preordered both albums and that i shelled out the money to see both bands on their tours this fall-- and i'm not ashamed of either of those facts.
as for the albums themselves.
The Suburbs wasn't surprising to me at all, except perhaps in the sense that there was very little eccentric-ness featured in it compared to say, Funeral. also, this album, for the general rule doesn't possess any of the bitter, strange opinions that Neon Bible was such a great exhibit of. that's not to say that The Suburbs is lacking--it's far from that actually. songs like "Empty Room" with wild string intros, "City With No Children" with insanely catchy rhythms, and "Sprawl II" with angelic voices and pounding under beats, make the album absolutely incredible in my opinion. lyrically, the title is 100% appropriate, in fact all of the songs are built around the title. and as usual, there are statements that make any one think such as: "And you feel so right/But how come you can't sleep at night?" ("Modern Man"). overall, i would whole heartily suggest The Suburbs to anyone who likes indie rock; even if you found their last two albums too eccentric you might find this one more accessible.
Dark is the Way, Light is the Place was however, a big surprise. prior to the album release there was quotes flying around the internet about how the band members considered this album their "magnum opus" and along the same lines of their hit album Cities (and my favorite by far). honestly, after the first listen i hated this album. now that i've given it more spins i can say i enjoy it a lot more--but it still feels lacking. there just seems to be so many things wrong about this album. for one, the opening song is, in my opinion, completely un-sing-a-long-able; therefore making it pretty much a flop. another different, not necessarily wrong, thing is the percentage of slower to average speed songs; in comparison to their prior albums this trend sticks out. one definite disappointment is the lower epic-ness of the closing song. "Depraved" is epic for sure, but not nearly on the same level as "(*fin)" or "Miserabile Visu". perhaps the biggest wrong is the complete unrelatedness of the title and the songs that compose the album--i just don't see the connection between the two anywhere. all of this is not to say that Dark is the Way, Light is a Place is a bad album, or that i hate it (i definitely would suggest songs like "Down", "Pray Tell", and "Impossible" to anyone), it's just obviously not Anberlin's magnum opus.
i'm definitely looking forward to seeing Arcade Fire on September 29th at KeyArena, and Anberlin on October 14th at the Showbox SoDo
as for the albums themselves.
The Suburbs wasn't surprising to me at all, except perhaps in the sense that there was very little eccentric-ness featured in it compared to say, Funeral. also, this album, for the general rule doesn't possess any of the bitter, strange opinions that Neon Bible was such a great exhibit of. that's not to say that The Suburbs is lacking--it's far from that actually. songs like "Empty Room" with wild string intros, "City With No Children" with insanely catchy rhythms, and "Sprawl II" with angelic voices and pounding under beats, make the album absolutely incredible in my opinion. lyrically, the title is 100% appropriate, in fact all of the songs are built around the title. and as usual, there are statements that make any one think such as: "And you feel so right/But how come you can't sleep at night?" ("Modern Man"). overall, i would whole heartily suggest The Suburbs to anyone who likes indie rock; even if you found their last two albums too eccentric you might find this one more accessible.
Dark is the Way, Light is the Place was however, a big surprise. prior to the album release there was quotes flying around the internet about how the band members considered this album their "magnum opus" and along the same lines of their hit album Cities (and my favorite by far). honestly, after the first listen i hated this album. now that i've given it more spins i can say i enjoy it a lot more--but it still feels lacking. there just seems to be so many things wrong about this album. for one, the opening song is, in my opinion, completely un-sing-a-long-able; therefore making it pretty much a flop. another different, not necessarily wrong, thing is the percentage of slower to average speed songs; in comparison to their prior albums this trend sticks out. one definite disappointment is the lower epic-ness of the closing song. "Depraved" is epic for sure, but not nearly on the same level as "(*fin)" or "Miserabile Visu". perhaps the biggest wrong is the complete unrelatedness of the title and the songs that compose the album--i just don't see the connection between the two anywhere. all of this is not to say that Dark is the Way, Light is a Place is a bad album, or that i hate it (i definitely would suggest songs like "Down", "Pray Tell", and "Impossible" to anyone), it's just obviously not Anberlin's magnum opus.
i'm definitely looking forward to seeing Arcade Fire on September 29th at KeyArena, and Anberlin on October 14th at the Showbox SoDo
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
YAY.
so, in a little over a week i shall be collecting all of my pertinent belongings and relocating from what i affectionately call the "boonies" to the city known to the world as Seattle, WA.
YAY.
packing, however, is a drudge. mostly because it seems pointless to box up clothes, shoes, etc that i will undoubtedly wear between now and the 24th of September. not to mention, i have very little time of late to pack due to the ridiculous number of hours i shall be working in the next week. between working from 4:30 to 10:30 tonight, 7:30 am to 3 pm thursday and friday and then 7:30 am to 10:30 pm on saturday and sunday, i'm going to not be home much at all.
and then there is the dilemma of what exactly to pack, i have absolutely no idea what my dorm room will look like, how much space i will have, and all that so its very hard to know what i will have room for and what i won't. i do know that since i'll have two roommates that its going to be tight. plus, i know that i'll be fairly if not ridiculously busy all the time so i probably won't have time to do crafty stuff much so i'll prolly opt to leave the sewing machine, painting supplies, and perhaps even beading stuff at home--for at least the first quarter. but...meh, i don't really know yet.
but yes, i find the prospect of moving to Seattle to be very exciting indeed. i shall miss many of the people that won't be around, but the new environment and experiences will be a very good change. after all, one can't stay at home forever.
i shall try not to neglect this blog too terribly this up coming year.
YAY.
packing, however, is a drudge. mostly because it seems pointless to box up clothes, shoes, etc that i will undoubtedly wear between now and the 24th of September. not to mention, i have very little time of late to pack due to the ridiculous number of hours i shall be working in the next week. between working from 4:30 to 10:30 tonight, 7:30 am to 3 pm thursday and friday and then 7:30 am to 10:30 pm on saturday and sunday, i'm going to not be home much at all.
and then there is the dilemma of what exactly to pack, i have absolutely no idea what my dorm room will look like, how much space i will have, and all that so its very hard to know what i will have room for and what i won't. i do know that since i'll have two roommates that its going to be tight. plus, i know that i'll be fairly if not ridiculously busy all the time so i probably won't have time to do crafty stuff much so i'll prolly opt to leave the sewing machine, painting supplies, and perhaps even beading stuff at home--for at least the first quarter. but...meh, i don't really know yet.
but yes, i find the prospect of moving to Seattle to be very exciting indeed. i shall miss many of the people that won't be around, but the new environment and experiences will be a very good change. after all, one can't stay at home forever.
i shall try not to neglect this blog too terribly this up coming year.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
revamp.
i'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but its been many months since i've last written a blog post here. various circumstances have influenced this neglect: graduating, working, getting ready for next fall, watching way too much Lost, Chuck, & Arrested Development, and sleeping.
but as a hodge-podge of random mumblings, consider the following.
-> i've taken up the practice of jewelry making and plan to set up an etsy store in the hopefully near future.
-> i didn't get into the bachelor's program of social work at the school i'm going to.
-> getting an average total of $30 in tips every day i work is very pleasant.
-> i'm moving to Seattle in a little less than two months--naturally i find this very exciting as my surroundings there will be dramatically different than what i'm accustomed to.
on and end note as i have run out of time, check out the following:
-> The Year Of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs (one man attempts to follow the Bible's commandments as closely as possible for a year).
-> Swoon by Silversun Pickups (possibly my favorite album at this time).
-> my revamped blog site :D (notice that the background, header, and music selection are all different--if you like, leave a comment giving your opinion on the revamp).
but as a hodge-podge of random mumblings, consider the following.
-> i've taken up the practice of jewelry making and plan to set up an etsy store in the hopefully near future.
-> i didn't get into the bachelor's program of social work at the school i'm going to.
-> getting an average total of $30 in tips every day i work is very pleasant.
-> i'm moving to Seattle in a little less than two months--naturally i find this very exciting as my surroundings there will be dramatically different than what i'm accustomed to.
on and end note as i have run out of time, check out the following:
-> The Year Of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs (one man attempts to follow the Bible's commandments as closely as possible for a year).
-> Swoon by Silversun Pickups (possibly my favorite album at this time).
-> my revamped blog site :D (notice that the background, header, and music selection are all different--if you like, leave a comment giving your opinion on the revamp).
Friday, April 16, 2010
not my equal
God is not my equal.
What a profound, and yet obvious fact.
Often time I treat him as my equal, I think of him in terms of another person with whom I discuss things with--having the mentality that he is a "friend" and I do not need to do something his way just because he "suggests" (or commands) it. And other times feeling like he uses blackmail to get my surrender--"I'll keep you away from hell as long as you do what I say". And yet, if he is what he says he is--the maker of everything--than he is not my equal. For as the verse says "He who built the house has more honor than the house" (Hebrews 3:3), the maker is greater than what he has made. He is not just another opinion in the crowd of many and he's not a cruel friend with a power complex.
What a profound, and yet obvious fact.
Often time I treat him as my equal, I think of him in terms of another person with whom I discuss things with--having the mentality that he is a "friend" and I do not need to do something his way just because he "suggests" (or commands) it. And other times feeling like he uses blackmail to get my surrender--"I'll keep you away from hell as long as you do what I say". And yet, if he is what he says he is--the maker of everything--than he is not my equal. For as the verse says "He who built the house has more honor than the house" (Hebrews 3:3), the maker is greater than what he has made. He is not just another opinion in the crowd of many and he's not a cruel friend with a power complex.
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